Feeling like you're roommates?
It seems that at some point in a relationship, it can go stagnant. Have you ever thought to yourself that you feel like your partner is none other than a roommate? The effort from both of you has decreased and you now have this relationship where you only coexist. You ask yourself, “where has the spark gone? Can we even get it back?” This is normal and there is hope!
As it is quoted, “anything in life worth having is worth working for,” so we know that with effort, there is gain. Gain of an evolved relationship, where the focus is not on reliving the past, but on building upon who you have grown to be as partners and seeing a future together. Where you consciously prioritize one another.
I like to relate a relationship to one much like a career. Bear with me here before you go thinking I have lost my mind. They have their similarities in the effort it takes to do both. Check out this read afterward so you can get a better idea of what I am talking about. The reason I bring this up is because this topic has to do with the first step I mention in the article, Checking in/Clocking in. As women, and I know I am guilty of it, we expect our partners to read our mind. This is impossible. They can’t possibly know what we are thinking. Shit! Half the time I don’t know what I am thinking. So, when we are checking in, this is the time to share how we are doing and feeling? This is not a passer-by scenario, with a “hey, how are you? I am good, how about you? That’s good” as we walk past them in a store. This is something that requires us to be active in the conversation, be present, and without distractions to really listen to one another and on a regular basis.
Now, if you are you still with me, you might be wondering what this has to do with how to fix the fact that you feel your relationship is boring. Well routine is boring, so by checking in, this is the first step towards talking about how you feel. Opening up to what is going on inside that head. Giving your partner a fair chance to plan things with you.
Now it is normal to feel boredom in a relationship, but when we start complaining all the time, or find that we have become complacent, it is time to shake things up. So do your relationship a favor and try one or even all of what’s on the list of the 10 Things You Can Do with Your Partner. Have fun, be open minded, and just do it.
1.) Back to the Basics
Think about what brought you together and the activities you enjoyed in the beginning.
2.) Be Goofy
Be silly. Make each other laugh. I personally love the laughing game where you tell each other jokes until someone breaks out in laughter.
3.) Cook Together
Try something new and go to a cooking class together. This can really help create a bond and further appreciation for one another.
4.) Step out of your comfort zone together
Think of something you would never normally do and try it together. I think of something that involves heights like bungee jumping.
5.) Workout together
Sweating together and supporting one another helps to increase your emotional bond.
6.) Try a new activity together ie. Rock climbing, ballroom dance, wine tasting
Keep things new by finding activities that are new for both of you. You might find you really like something and learn something new about yourself in the process.
7.) Mandatory Date Night
Don’t let your date nights go to the wayside. One way to help this is a Date Night Subscription kit. But by keeping your dates and doing something new, it gives you something to look forward to. The key is do not let date night become stale or routine. Same restaurant you always eat at. You know what I am talking about.
8.) Find something exciting to do
Play a sport together. Go horse back riding. Go skating. Whatever tickles your fancy.
9.) Experience a Concert together
This is my favorite. I love music so this is a must!! Plus buying matching concert tees is always cute.
10.) Plan a Staycation
When you can’t take a vacation whether it is financial reasons or job related, a staycation can be an easy alternative. Pack a bag for one night, figure out where to eat dinner close to the hotel, and spoil yourselves for the evening.
I hope you have found some things you can try with your partner on this list. As a reminder, boredom is normal in a relationship, but by applying effort in any of these forms, it can go a long way. Working together, trying new things, and living life to the fullest can help bring passion back into the relationship. When we do something exciting with one another we are releasing a hormone that results in bonding. That’s right, Oxytocin. Know that boredom might appear from time to time, but you have this list to come back to when you feel stuck. In consideration of our daily grind, use the list, and have fun trying new ideas. Here’s to consistent effort.
Enjoy your adventure!
Two, I was totally unprepared for who I was about to meet. You have heard and seen the “traditional Italian family” right? Think of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” but place Italian there for Greek. Okay? Right!? Everybody eats together, prays together, fights together, and, well, you know where I am going. Anyhow, super invasive, super talkative, lots of food, and WAY too much back history. I mean come on, we had only been together for a month, literally, 4 WEEKS, and there you go...by the end of the night I was starving (too scared to eat even though there was plenty), flustered, overwhelmed, nervous, anxious, and tired. Yes, tired. I ended up staying 5 hours! Not because I had to, but because I couldn’t just up and leave. I had too many family photo albums to look through!
Honestly, though, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Despite all of the laughter, talking, pictures, and food, I found that it was a lot easier than I imagined. Part of it was because I had read all of the worst case scenarios online (now, those are scary. Trust me. Don’t read them too deeply.). The other part was that I just didn’t know how to prepare myself for it. I went in thinking one thing, and walked out feeling very much differently. In hindsight, there are some kernels of thought that would have been useful.
For one, DON’T OVERTHINK IT
When we overthink things, we set ourselves up for failure because we know that in our heart, we can only present ourselves as who we are. Also, overthinking brings on anxiety and worry because it places your mind into the possibilities of the future, but you are living here in the now.
Second, BE YOUR BEST SELF
SO, really, he chose you. Chances are he loves you, or he is super close to saying that ‘L’ word, don’t you think he wants his family to fall in love with the ‘YOU’ that ‘YOU’ are too? It’s okay. Not a single person is perfect, but to him, you are perfect enough for him to bring you into his home. This was a hard concept for me!
Third, INITIATE CONVERSATION and INVITE QUESTIONS
It is impossible to settle your nerves completely. Come on, these are new waters and this is SCARY! But something that I have always said to myself, like holding a rubbing stone in your pocket, a little conversation is a great way to break the ice. It also shows that you are genuinely interested in their special family member. Just as they are going to want to get to know you, you can also get to know them. Again, it’s okay.
Fourth, DON’T PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO BACK STORIES.
So, this is for those dramatic entrances right? The ones where you are prepared for the worst...like, “my dad is crazy. He is going to ask you weird questions.” That kind of stems up some anxiety, right? Well, whether he is or whether he isn’t allow yourself to be the judge of that. Prejudgement can actually cause you to have early assumptions that aren’t always accurate.
Finally, ENJOY YOURSELF.
Please. At the end of the day, this experience is one of your many firsts that you may have with this significant person. Take time to live in the moment by taking small breaths, smiling through your nerves, and squeeze your lover’s arm when you get a little tense. This is fun; it is memorable, even if it hasn’t happened yet, it, like other things wonderful, will come to pass as one of your greatest times, or, in my case, most unique!! We want to hear about your stories! Share below!