My throat grew tight. I felt like I couldn’t swallow. Everything seemed to be going black around me. Why can’t I see? What is happening? I could feel my heart begin to race, running faster than my legs were moving. But I was not moving. In fact, I found myself stuck. Frozen. In one place. There is no way I could keep going. How am I going to make it? What if...what if I can’t? Or, what if...what if I FAIL!? It just seems easier to stay where I am at. I fear failure. But wait, what about that girl? How did she get to where she is? She must have been so great she didn’t fail. There is no way she failed. Nah, I will stay here and wait. Sure, I am not moving, but…
Does this sound familiar? Have you been in this position before or are you in it currently? This was me, is me, in almost every endeavor I think about attempting. Before going to college for my teaching degree, receiving my masters degree, having children, getting married, writing a blog, giving Tarot readings, opening up to others about my gift...In each of these moments, I felt that same fear. Fear of failure. Nobody would know it because I seem so ‘with-it.’ Lucky for me, my thoughts are internal, and lucky for you, you don’t realize how hard I am trying. Nonetheless, I do have fear, failure is depressing. A low feeling. Overcoming it makes it that much harder. And you CAN overcome it.
Imagine yourself past the fear
Where are you if you don’t fail? Envision your goal and imagine you are holding the trophy at the end of the finish line. The process is important, but in order to get started you need to know how you want it to end.
Identify your possible roadblocks
Not every endeavor is the same, nor the person completing it. That being said, there will be stops on the way-each one unique to your situation. Recognize where those stops may be and come up with a plan on how you are going to overcome them. When we plan for possible challenges, they seem to be less surprising when they occur and we feel more prepared.
Keep your expectations high, but your pace slow.
This is sooooo important here guys. A big reason I have seen people fail and give up is because they hit the ground running so hard that they don’t keep pace with the track. Everything takes time. I challenge you to expect and allow that time to help your goal cultivate. It is okay.
Use that growth mindset
The glass is half full here peeps. Every day brings challenges, it also brings successes. Don’t get caught up in the successes, and learn from the challenges. You will trip, you may fall, heck, you may bump your head pretty badly. Duly noted, thank you, and get back up again. I know it seems simple, and it doesn’t feel that way, but it could be. You got this.
Believe in yourself
When I ask you what it feels like to believe in something, what would you say? Perhaps you trust that you are protected? Safe? Guided? Now, apply that thinking when I challenge you to believe in yourself. Trust yourself that you can do it. Guide yourself in such a way that you can achieve your goal. Protect yourself from feeling fear of failure. You need yourself first in order to move forward out of that spot.
Failure is real. It holds us back. It keeps us from moving forward. It seems to just get in the way. Failure, itself, is worse than falling, because it brings us to recognize our own efforts as meaningless. Who wants to see that? While this is true, yes I have experienced it myself, I also must realize that failure is an action but the action is nothing unless it is tied to an emotion. That emotion is fear. Overcome your fear, overcome your worries of failure. Then, failure becomes part of the process but not the end-game.
What are some things you have done to overcome your fears? Share your kernels with us. Thank you
I have been in such a funk lately. I have not felt like doing much of anything. Honestly, it has taken a lot for me to make the decision to write this post. But write it I should! Have you ever felt this way? Just apathetic about everything. Gotta get lesson plans done. Yep. Not yet. Gotta make dinner plans. Hmmm...delivery? Gotta clean out my car. Nope. Gotta do the mommy thing...sluggishly, I guess there isn’t a way out of that. This is me. Right now. What to do, what to do?
Even as I sit here thinking about all of those things that I could be doing, some that I really SHOULD be doing...right? I still decide to sit here, blanket wrapped around my shoulders, feeling helpless, waiting for November 3, 2020 to just fade away (if you are in America at this moment your anxiety is hardly held captive). If this were to happen to me everyday, everything would pile up. Some may say I am having a bout of depression. “She just needs time for herself...some serotonin or dopamine may do the trick…” but what if this is not every day, not my normal, not me?
I can already say that the first part of my problem is that I am TOO comfortable. I mean, if you were wrapped in a cozy blanket would you want to get up and move around? Bahahaha!!
As I write this, I shake my shoulders. Release the blanket. Now I have some momentum. Gotta move when you are feeling chilled!
What else? What else? Let’s see if I can motivate you by motivating myself here.
Hmmm...I can get my shoes on and take my kids for a walk. That may be the trick!
Here are some other ways that I can help myself with this funk, and hopefully provide some assistance to you!!
Have you been in a funk lately? What were some things you did to deflate it? How did you find that motivation?
Control. This is a hot and very sensitive subject for many people, especially if you have been told once or twice that you are ‘controlling’ or you need to ‘stop trying to control’ the situation. In fact, the topic alone can cause many people to get so upset, enraged really, that they lose control of themselves; ironic right?
But, hey, I am not coming from a place of judgement. Really, this is something that I have had to work on at a spiritual, emotional, relational, and even physical level. This is something I have had to dig deep inside myself to first find the why behind my behaviors and then the how to let go of this need. I have spent a lot of time in reflection and self awareness around how to release and not feel this need to micromanage others lives, choices, words, and emotions. I can say I was definitely a manipulative mess! SO...how did I know I was truly ‘controlling’ in the first place? What was it that led me to decide to work on changing myself?
Let me begin by telling you a bit about my background. I (We) grew up in a dysfunctional family where our mom worked most of the time, we didn’t have a full time father figure present, and there were 6 of us left to fend for ourselves at least 12 hours everyday. Being the oldest, I did what I could to step up, and I probably had the most control in the household, except when mom was home, things were different. Needless to say, she was overworked, stressed, tired, and had little time or patience for us. At a very young age I learned that control was necessary to manage my siblings but, in reality, I had little control, which culminated in me needing to feel like I had to have more control as I got older. This became increasingly apparent in my relationships to the point where people were reminding me that I don’t get to always be right, I don’t get to tell them what to say or what to do, nor do I have the right to hold things over their head if they didn’t do as I asked them to. Despite all of the comments from those I love and have loved about my own controlling behaviors, it was not until college and psychology 101 where I took a dive into my truth. Now, you are not here to hear my whole story, but I wanted to give you a glimpse into my shadow work with control. Essentially, you are not alone if you have heard similar things from people in your life.
Controlling behaviors, or trying to control others, can be negative and is definitely not a good trait to run home and tell your parents about, but if you are here, you have begun the process of reflection, self awareness, and the desire for transformation. You are here to learn more about yourself, recognize your own controlling behaviors, or perhaps seek information about a person that may be taking control of you to a certain extent.
Control works in many ways. It is not always obvious, especially to the person that is being controlled. It is also not always used with negative or malintent. In fact, a controlling behavior is usually manifested from a place of trying to help...at least that is what we might say.
There are varying degrees of control just like anything else. However, they all carry the same characteristic-driven by the desire to convince, argue, or portray that one perspective is better than any other. The perspective is of the controller.
Here are some other examples of characteristics that you may exhibit or are exhibited upon you. It is not a one size fits all guys, but many of these I have used as manipulators in my own past.
Whew! If you are anything like I WAS, you probably read this and felt defeated, and perhaps struggled with being honest to yourself-per the last question. But, consider this. You are here right now. You are seeking personal growth for a reason. Life is all about learning, and let’s be straight, NO ONE IS PERFECT. Therefore, no one is judging (at least on my end).
Release. Recognize. Reflect. Resolve.
You have control of you. Embrace that and know it. When you feel like you are in the place where you need to control, judge, or manipulate the situation with others, speak to your spirit. Speaking to your heart allows you to recenter and remind yourself of the why you wanted to seek this change in the first place and why you decided to understand your own story. We want to be the light in other people’s lives, we don’t want to contribute to the darkness; darkness within ourselves, darkness within our past, or darkness among others.
I am grateful that you are here and I look forward to hearing from you. When you are ready. Share your story. Blessings my fellow kernels. Love and light to you.
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One of the most common questions I am asked as a spiritual intuitive coach is “how do I meditate?” Following that is usually, “how do I make time to meditate?” I find myself saying the same thing, meditation is not meant to be separate from your daily routine and it is not something that you have to learn how to do with carefully written steps or outlines to follow.
Simply put, meditation is taking a minute, possibly several, to be in the moment with ourselves. It is connecting with our body, using our mind to focus our attention, and deliberately breathing to acknowledge the space and time that we are in as we work to align ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Meditation is self preservation at its finest.
SO, let’s elaborate on the HOW. As I suggested before, many people that are beginning this journey have an impression that meditation is something that we have to plan into our day. Maybe we sit in a folded stance, humming, palms open, with background music. Now, I am not trying to say this is not an approach to meditation, but this is not the ONLY approach.
I find that I meditate at least 20 times a day. Crazy right! But this is true, here are some of the ways that I go about meditating.
Stretch with intention to focus, connect, and breathe.
Send thanks out to the Holy Spirit and guides for guidance and ask for continued support.
Go on brisk focused walks and send out positive intentions with every step.
Sit quietly in my own space and take 3 deep breaths.
Take in the sweet fragrance of a favorite essential oil like peppermint or lilac.
Channel my emotions if I feel ungrounded by excess outside stimuli.
Send thanks out to the universe for providing for me before consuming food.
Take 3 deep breaths with intention to refocus my thoughts.
Reflect on a daily affirmation.
Respond to others carefully with conscious awareness of my surroundings, thoughts, breathing, and emotions.
Write down my thoughts, feelings, needs, fears, ideas...
Some other more common types of meditation that I participate in…
10 minute guided meditation
Color or draw while listening to Tibetan singing bowls
Sit in a quiet space, breathe with intent, calling in light, love, and healing.
I hope that I have set your table with ideas that you can use as you take on meditation. The biggest and most important element is living in the moment with yourself. It is about becoming aware of your ‘different’ aspects, parts, systems, and connecting each of them. Through breathing and careful, mindful work we can manifest these connections.
Are there other ways that YOU meditate? We want to hear from you!!
Blessings my fellow kernels!!